I'm genderless (or gender-agnostic) and sexophobic, and I'm trying
to get (more) out of the closet about that.
I live in a city - Rio de Janeiro - where people think that if
you're not interested in sex then it's because you are either
religious or an inferior.
I've been a "militant sexophobic" since late 2002. Quite a lot of
things have changed around me in these years, but that is a long story
that I'm not going to tell now.
In the late 90's I used to hang around with angry militant
lesbians. With them - and with terrorists - I learned that when you're
part of a very tiny minority with no visibility at all then your
strategies have to be very different than when you're part of a
well-known, respected minority. And if you're a minority of one, then
things are even more different - for example: being loud and
unpredictable often works well, and trying to be well-behaved works
very little. You need to "exist" - and the key points for that are
visibility and self-esteem. Also, there's no group to protect - and
"Fortune favors the bold".
Gender - as something separate from sex, and independent of
physical appearance - is something that so few people from my city
understand that I had to stop mentioning it. Being openly sexophobic
already offends too much - I have placed myself outside of the
courting hierarchy; I've rejected the common values. And I'm looking
for kinds of relationships that people from my generation have learned
to say, "that doesn't exist".
I do have to say that I don't find gender theory especially
helpful, in terms of explaining the thing I felt. I resent, to no
small degree, the idea that a theory should even be necessary. To be
honest, just about the only theory I trust is story, and I'm
hoping that, before all is said and done, the tale I am trying to
tell can stand in for the theory. In the meantime, I am sustained by
a saying of my mother's: "It is impossible to hate anyone whose
story you know".
Back then I knew very little for certain about whatever it was
that affected me, but I did know this much: that in order to
survive, I'd have to become something like a ghost myself, and keep
the nature of my true self hidden. And so I haunted that young body
of mine just as the spirits haunted the Coffin House, as a hopeful,
wraithlike presence otherwise invisible to the naked eye - like
helium, or J.D. Salinger, or the G-spot.
My one chance, I thought, was that someday someone might fall in
love with me, and that alchemy of passion would transform me into a
human like other humans. Maybe, I thought, if I was funny enough, or
clever enough, or inventive enough to be desired, I might yet leave
my translucent self behind and at last turn into something solid.
(Jennifer Finney Boylan, "I'm Looking Through You
(Growing Up Haunted - A Memoir)", p.25)
Patti Smith: we
can be heroes
Other things (mostly in Portuguese):
Rape Recovery Journal (PDF)
Daniel e iniciativa
Assédios - Parte 1
Sobre a performance "Xereca Satânik"
A coming out
Travesti Reflexiva in in 2014jul07 -
Trecho de um chat sobre CI e sexualidade
História de T
"Sexofóbico" como resposta (grande, incompleto))
Notas sobre carioquês
Falta misandria no movimento trans, 2
Some texts by other people:
Camille Paglia: Personas Sexuais, cap.1 (1990)
Tati Bernardi: "Respeite as mulheres, sua vaca" (2015)
Asexuality - A TED talk by David Jay (from AVEN) - subtitles